Why is this so difficult this year?

I've never had such a hard time losing a few pounds. Now I know what they mean when they say losing weight gets harder as you get older. How in the world am I going to maintain my weight later on if I can't even handle it at 28? Hmmmmm...I think I'm going to have to cut down on the alcohol. That is the biggest factor that I can think of as far as my diet goes. But since we're going on vacation in 2 days and I'm going to a place with wonderful beer and wine, maybe I'll wait until I get back to really start on my decreased alcohol intake. Will I ever come to terms with this weight management? not likely...

If I play a sport it means I'm an athlete, right?

Since I played volleyball, softball, skiied, snowboarded and played soccer when I was younger, I considered myself and athlete. The funny part of that was that everything listed above (except soccer) can have extended periods of time when there is no action, and only requires short bursts of energy. I actually thought about being on the track team for discus or shotput since they were usually for "husky" girls, and didn't require me to run. Even if I played volleyball for half of the day, I'm sure I wouldn't move enough to get in an hour of cardio or weight lifting. I didn't realize until after I got into college and became active what being "athletic" really meant. It's too bad that it took me so long to figure out that I actually love being active and exercising, I think I could have had a lot more fun in high school. And would have probably been a lot better at sports!

Great day

Today has been wonderful in the world of exercise and eating well. It took all I had to get outside and go for a run in the crappy hard snow/slush, but my dog came through once again. I guess her barking at me to take her on a run is pretty good motivation. Once I was out in the sun it felt awesome so I was able to enjoy a nice 6 miler. The other awesome part of today is my eating habits are starting to feel good again. I definitely fell off the wagon over the holidays. It started with our trip to Ireland in late November - I guess I felt like I was on vacation so I could eat whatever I wanted. The other hard part was that we stayed at Bed and Breakfasts the whole time - every single one served a massive breakfast, and since it was included in our fee I figured I might as well get my money's worth. So instead of eating small meals throughout the day (I've found this works the best for me) I ate a massive breakfast and massive dinner - accompanied by amazing beer and cider of course! =) Then I returned to the holidays being in full swing with never-ending sugar treats. Once again, I tried my hardest to limit my intake, but the holiday spirit took over and I gorged myself on cookies (at least it was less than in years past). So after New Years Eve, I decided to go on a "detox" that was recommended by a couple of friends. All I did was limit my diet to protein and vegetables for 3 days. The first 2 days seriously felt like detox - I felt like crap and I was constantly hungry but couldn't satisfy my cravings. Now that I'm on day 4 - all I've done is add in a fruit and I felt so much better. I think that's why I was able to go on a longer run. So now I feel like I'm back! No more sweets for a long time, I just can't handle them. And the salad I made tonight is the best tasting thing I've had in a while - it's just hitting the spot!

Sugar is the devil

Sugar is officially my downfall - over the holidays I gained 9 lbs and I'm sure it was mostly due to the cookies. Once I started, I couldn't stop. It happens every year, and every new year I say that I'm never going to do it again because I feel so horrible, but I did it again!!!!! I need to come up with a plan for next year...

History

Okay, so a little bit of my history. I was always a chubby kid - I was even called "husky," which I think was a way of not saying fat. My little brother constantly told me I was fat and I think that really hurt my self esteem and probably made the whole situation worse. Any time I even went towards the kitchen (even to get a drink of water) my grandpa would say "fatty fatty 2 by 4, couldn't fit through the kitchen door." I never felt full. I've always been able to shovel food in and not feel full until I get to the point where my stomach actually hurts and I feel sick. I also LOVE food. I can't just take one bite and be satisfied, if I love something, I feel like I have to eat as much as I possibly can or else I'm not going to get the full experience of the food. The other problem is that I love almost everything - the exceptions are macaroni and cheese, alfredo and cheese cake. And the problem with these foods is that most people love them, so I've tried them every time they've been available in hopes that I will like them so I can share them with other people, but I have yet to find a mac and cheese that doesn't make me want to gag.
I have a vivid memory of myself at about 16 years old, sitting at the kitchen table with a box of graham crackers, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly. I ate about 3/4 of the box of graham crackers with peanut butter and jelly slathered on them. I'm pretty sure I stopped when the jelly ran out. The entire time my mom was trying to tell me to stop, but I couldn't - it felt too good. Afterwards I felt so sick, but there was nothing I could do about it. I'm lucky that I'm petrified of throwing up, or I'm sure I would have become bulimic.
So the funny part of all of this is that my mother eats like a bird, exercises everyday and tried her hardest to show me how to do all of that without being too pushy. I'm sure it just about killed her to watch me do that to myself. The more she tried to get me to exercise, the more I refused. Thank god for sports, or I don't think I would have ever gotten any activity on my own volition. I played team sports like softball and volleyball - the funny thing about these sports it that you don't really get that much exercise except in practice. I would have never chosen a sport like track or skiing, which would have forced me to exercise consistently. My mom tried her hardest to encourage healthy eating and activity, but I definitely never committed to it. The only time I can remember being a normal weight was when I started having stomach issues which caused me to constantly have diarrhea and I also started refereeing soccer (consistent running). I got down to 130 lbs and felt the best I have ever felt with my weight and self-esteem. All it took was to start dating a fat, lazy boyfriend for 2 1/2 years for me to become my heaviest yet. Since I had always been the fat girl, I felt like I had to lower my expectations in order to find a boyfriend. Well, I definitely accomplished that and it led to the complete destruction of my self-esteem and my heaviest weight.
Well, if anyone is reading this, I've probably completely bored you to death. So I'll try and expand the rest of this into my future blogs. I really hope that this hits home with some people, because I feel like I've turned a 180 at this point, and I hope that this can inspire someone out there to gain control of their life and their health.

First post ever, and first post of 2010

Well, I guess I have been inspired over this last weekend - first by watching Julie and Julia, and by reading an article in the USA today newspaper insert. You can probably guess the inspiration I got from the movie - that blogging is a way to share with people in a way that is both interesting for the reader, and a release and learning experience for the writer. My second inspiration was from the article about the two actors from The Big Bang Theory - the girl (I'm allowed to say girl, because I learned that she is 4 years younger than me!) that lives next door to the roomates, Kaley Cuoco. It really struck me when she was talking about her weight management and how it is a battle everyday. It's so easy for me to look at skinny people and believe that they have always been skinny, that they can eat whatever they want and only exercise for fun, not for weight loss. It's even easier for me to believe this about actors, because they always seem so perfect.
I started to feel the similarities between the two of us as I read about her life growing up in relationship to health. She described a family that focused on healthier eating and being active - just like mine. She then began to describe that she has to work to maintain her weight by making healthy choices and exercising consistently and it hit me when she said that it was an "everyday battle." Those have been my exact words about maintaining my weight since I lost it over the last few years.
Now that I'm on the "skinny" side, people that didn't know me 10 years ago (everyone I know where I currently live) think that I've always been this way and I should be able to eat whatever I want. They constantly try to push bad food on me and tell me that I can eat anything because I exercise. I just want to yell at them to stop! They have no idea how hard I have to fight daily to keep my weight down. The hardest part has been with my newest coworkers - one of them is able to eat absolutely everything - her favorite food is anything from McDonalds - especially french fries and big macs. She maintains a weight of about 105, doesn't exercise much and drinks a ton of beer. She is always bringing poor food into my workplace and offers it too me and can't understand how I can exercise over 1 hour/day and not be able to eat whatever I want. The other coworker eats fast food for every meal and though she's not 105 lbs, she is small and maintains that weight despite her food choices and lack of exercise. I keep telling myself that "I am healthier overall because of my healthy food choices and cardiovascular health," but that definitely doesn't help the everyday want to eat with them and enjoy all foods like they do.
Wow, I feel much better after that little rant - I guess that's part of this whole blog experience!